Happy Birthday, Mr. President

Oh what a surprise! You baked me a cake. It has sprinkles and everything. But those eyes, there's something about those eyes that make me feel a little uneasy. OH SWEET JESUS! What just shot out of that cake?! Kill it! KILL IT!!!

Hook, Line & Sinker

As they stood there glaring at each other, something happened. Something unexpected. Suddenly their reason for fighting didn't matter anymore. Nothing else mattered. For the event unfolding before them would change their lives forever.

To Dream A Little Dream

Eyes so heavy, slowly slipping into slumberland. Everything goes quiet, fuzzy. You have arrived. A word of caution: don't drink the water. The last person who was here learned his lesson - he got dysentery.

White Castle Be Damned

How much for your #7 combination platter? Does it come with onion rings? Can you please put mayonnaise on the sandwich? But please hold the pickles - I'm deathly allergic

The Showdown

It happened so suddenly, Who was at fault? Who knows, it's too late now. The damage has been done, and there's payment to be had. Oh you'll pay a hefty price alright. It seems the early cheese has indeed gotten the worm.

Won't You Be My Neighbour?

The sun shone bright that day on Rainbow Haven Crescent. The neighbours were meeting for the first time. A hush fell over the scene - nary a sound could be heard. Their eyes met and as the skull opened his mouth a sudden flood of 80's synth music rose into the air. It's a block party, bitches!

Afternoon Delights

Come play in our garden. We can have ever so much fun, rolling around in the leaves, lying in the bed of flowers, smelling their intoxicating aroma, watching the smoking bees pass us by. Don't mind the man with the wand, that's just Rupert - he likes to watch.

It's a Marvelous Night for a Moondance

Dancing and prancing through the pumpkin patch. You're the most beautifulest girl in town - well at least that's what your mother told you. You put the sun to shame with your beauty. There's no one quite like you. And maybe if you took a chance on this old rutabaga farmer I too could be as enchanting as you.

Raise The Roof

That little voice inside your head, the one that says "No, don't!". Should you listen? Should you care? Really it's all up to you, it's inside YOUR head. And no one listens to you, so why should you listen to him? You're both crazy. Now excuse me, I have to lay down.

A Clear and Present Danger

Danger! Danger! It lurks around every corner. Peeping at us from behind the bushes. Wile that Danger is. But today danger has met his match for a new challenger approaches - one who personifies safety. Smokey the Bear has come to stomp out danger! And remember kids, stay alert, stay safe!

Midnight at the Oasis

The clock strikes Midnight. The Witching Hour! Gather all ye around, the show is about to begin. Dancing! Juggling! Trapeze! What a sight to behold! But be forewarned - it's not for the faint of heart, for admission costs you your soul, and a donation to the local food bank.

Mr. McCuddleMuffin goes to The Fair

What wonders await us at the fair! How I love a good freak show. Somehow being around these freaks brings calm to my ever-troubled self. And when I see the smiles on their little faces, I know they're about to jab me with something. Wait. This isn't the fair? We're where? New Glasgow? Shit! Run!

Way Up High In The Sky

Lo! Through the clouds! What is it? Why it's the mythical Sky Walrus. All Hail Sky Walrus! It's the dawning of a new era, the era of the Sky Walrus. Hide your children, for he is hungry.

On Our Way to Grandma's Farm

I remember when I was a child, we would run and play in the hills, not a care in the world, having a gay old time. Unbeknownst to us the omnipotent danger was always lurking from the shadows of the Umbrella Tree. God I hated that Gloria one, she was the most dangerous of them all.

I Choo-Choo-Choose You

There was love in the air - so thick you could cut it with a knife. Like a thick fog. In fact it was a thick fog of filthy smoke hovering in the filthy bar I was in. And that feeling of love was the intoxicated feeling of my 10th Pina Colada. Ah Liquor, I love you more than you'll even know.

Sausage Sur-Prise

Sweet merciful crap, is that a Genie?!? Sweet! Three wishes! But what to wish for? Money? Power? No, I know. A sausage-stuffed donut with extra sprinkles. Oh how I love those sprinkles!

...Family Dinner...

What a spread! All the trimmings! You really outdid yourself this time. In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. Garbage! It was all filthy garbage! Burnt on the outside, frozen on the inside, withered like your heart. Please pass the potatoes.

Better Down Where It's Wetter...

Beneath the waves the sea creatures congregated. It's time for the annual Sea Cucumber Harvest. It truly is a sight to behold! What happens at the Harvest, stays at the Harvest. There'll be no accusations, just friendly crustaceans. Except for that lobster - he's a real bitch.

Aunt Marty's Famous Tea Parties...

It was late and the party was winding down. I picked myself off of the bathroom floor and wandered outside into the cool night's breeze. And there you were, hunched over behind the car. I never could take you anywhere, but damn it all, you can make one mean apple pie.

Sugar & Spice And Everything Nice...

I once knew a man with the greatest recipe for Chocolate Macaroons. I tried and I tried to get this man to give me his recipe, but alas, he would never give up his secret. He's dead now.

Majestic Monday

What is Good? What is Evil? I ask myself this everyday, but Monday more-so than any other day. What is it about this day that turns my mind towards such deep thoughts? Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Comments? What Comments?

THOSE comments!

Comment section is fixed, so fill yer boots. With your feet.

Mister Golden Sun's Parade...

As we walk along these barren terrains - unknown to us - we are being watched. By whom you ask? Well, I'll tell you. No, wait. I can't. It's a secret. But I'll give you a hint for a cup of Black Strap Molasses.

Grandma's Prize-Winning Tulips

You always were a mean, spiteful bitch, trampling everyone around you. Have you no heart? No lungs? Yet you were always #1 in her eyes, or at least her good eye. That glass one was kinda creepy. Good job, and remember that I love you.

Night Magic

You always were the center of attention, using your trickery throughout the night. Seems you have everything you always wanted now, don't you? But time is running out! Dawn quickly approaches, and then it vanishes, like the sparkle in your eye, that tear on my pillow.

I see...

Ok, so we have three posts on one day, even though it's supposed to be 'Daily-Doodle-A-Day." We got a little over-zealous with our first posting, but we're reallllly excited! From now on, you only get one Daily-Doodle-A-Day, bitches!

Tiptoeing Through the Tulips

Do you hear it? The Banana Phone, it rings for thee, little man upon your head. Walk lightly now. Shhhhhhh. Do not wake him, for he will be angry... OH MY GOD IT'S TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has awoken.

On the Catwalk

Look at you strut, with your Jimmy Choo's and your jaunty cap. You're all that, but you can't touch, you may only stare. Get down with your bad self.

A Story of Love

I saw you there, sitting across the way. My stomach crinkled and popped as our eyes met, butterflies shot from my mouth. And I knew then, it truly was, A Story of Love.